2 months from today...

So none of the promised posts have materialized yet - YET! But maybe while I'm on the airplane to Israel in 17 DAYS!!!! I will write some posts! Also, kind of weirded out that the wedding is in exactly 2 MONTHS! Handed over all the remaining planning and putting together of stuff to Beau because I have no time. Its a little weird letting go after being in control for over a year - though I do check things over and he runs things by me. I think it will be good for me and good for us as a couple. He needs to learn that I won't always be able to do everything (sometimes I think he doesn't do things because he knows that I will do it), and I need to experience (because I already theoretically know) that he is completely capable of doing everything that I do, just maybe not in the exact same way that I would do it.

Anyways - pretty picture because I might have final found a dress to wear at the party in Israel, its more than I wanted to spend, but at least on the model its perfect and JCrew is having a 30% Off sale with free shipping - so I might as well get it and see, since I have nothing else to wear.

"Ribbon Cut-Wave Dress" by J.Crew

Remind you of anything?

And since the likelihood of me ever getting to a post about the bachelorette party and the distinct lack of acceptable pictures to post I will put up this one picture.

Yes, that is me wearing short silver sequin skirt.

(My purchase, everything else by some of my besties)

And a giant plastic engagement ring.

And a t-shirt that says "I'm getting married Bi***es".

And a pin that said something like "Sexy Bride"

And a veil. (Not visible in this picture, but I assure you it was on)

And to top it all off a crown that said "I'm tying the knot, buy me a shot"

WITH a detachable plastic shot glass.

I just love my friends. Anyways, fun night, bad morning after - no vomiting - extra good!

Thats all for now. Back to the grind.

helping the world a teensy-bit with our wedding

Sometimes I struggle with our wedding because we are so blessed. I struggle with the thought that while our wedding budget is relatively small the money that we and our families and our friends are spending could be used for far greater things, and that so many people in the world could never imagine having even a fraction of the money we are spending on one day. I struggle with the fact that even eco-weddings are inherently not green and generate lots of waste, and burn lots of consumables (think of all the people traveling to your wedding who otherwise would likely not be traveling).

That said, I do still want a wedding - I love the symbolism and I love that we are bringing together our community of family and friends for likely the only time in our lives. I also did not have the time, energy and (often times) extra money to have a green wedding. But we are trying, in small ways, to reduce the negative impacts of our wedding.

First, the restaurant (The Rabbit Room) we chose for our venue uses locally sourced food whenever possible.

Second, I found a great, well priced source for the paper for our wedding invitations - The Green Paper Co. The paper for our invitations will be made from 30-100% post-consumer waste (PCW), some of it will be chlorine free and the energy used to produce the paper comes from wind- and hydro-power plants. I would like to do web-based, or email-based RSVPs, but considering how many people haven't managed to find their way to the website and how many older people we are inviting, I am resigned to traditional RSVP cards.

Third, on our wedding website we have encouraged our guests to join our Kiva group and help many other people enrich their lives and the wellbeing of their communities. So far, this has been a little bit of a fail, as no one has yet joined, but I think that might have more to do with lots of people not noticing the website on the save the dates and it still being very early for buying wedding gifts. We are also trying to limit the number of items we put on our wedding registries as we already have many of the things people traditionally register for and do not think that it is necessary to replace (most of) what we already have with new things just because others are paying for it.

Fourth, we are planning on hiring a shuttle bus to transport people from the hotel to the wedding and back. We also chose a hotel in a part of town that has many restaurants, bars, coffee shops and museums in walking distance, in the hopes that once people arrive they will not need to drive.

Finally, I am hoping to find money in the budget to buy TOMS for the members of the wedding party to wear at the wedding. I will also hopefully be buying TOMS for myself and Beau, regardless of whether we get them for the rest of the wedding party. For those who don't know, TOMS gives a pair of shoes to a child in need whenever a pair of shoes is purchased - "one for one" as they say. Today, while looking for wedding appropriate shoes I noticed that sometime in the month or two since last I perused their website they have added page on TOMS "for your wedding". They now offer discounts if you buy for a group and an email address for questions specifically regarding weddings. This made me really excited because I previously did not know who to email about some questions that I had regarding availability of other colors and special orders. It also was the mental impetus for this post - since i know there is at least one future bride reading who would probably find some of my thoughts and sources helpful for her planning (ahem... Future Mrs Dunbar...) and there are likely a few of you reading (including the afore mentioned future Mrs) that may have more ideas for me.

is it weird to want to get your wedding photographer a holiday present?

I saw these magnets on How About Orange (from ThinkGeek) and just thought - wow Tammy would think these are hilarious.

And for only $25 they aren't particularly expensive, but then I think of how much we are paying to shoot our wedding, and its not like she is a friend... I don't know. I just think these magnets are awesome and I want to buy them for someone.

dress for dancing?

I love the wedding dress I picked out, but yesterday as I was dancing around my room testing out some dance songs for the wedding playlist I really wanted a short dress. After a quick search, I'm totally lusting after this BCBGMAXAZRIA I found on the Nordstrom website.

But at about $400, its totally not happening. Maybe it will go on sale. Maybe I can pretend to justify it because my mom won't let me wear the wedding dress to the Israeli reception and she thinks I should get a short white dress to wear... hmm... must stalk the Nordstrom website and attempt to try on the dress while in Jersey for Thanksgiving.

PS - save the dates arrive Monday; labels designed and completed; postage for US bound letters procured; one more thing to (almost) check of my list - amazing!

would rather be...

the lab has been pretty crazy recently.  i'm desperately trying to get data together for the meeting i'm presenting at in just a few short weeks... in the past 5 days i've spend approximately 45 hours in the lab.  

i would definitely rather be here...

... Finland.

Home of the cell phone, 190,000 lakes, and, of course, 

the Wife-Carrying World Championships.

i'm so not joking.

check out the BBC article - gotta love a country that can be so serious and so ridiculous - reminds me of myself.

the decision maker

So far in our wedding planning, Beau has been the decision maker.  I research all the options, narrow down to the few I like the most, share with him and then freak out about actually choosing.  Beau rationally looks at all the choices, decides which one he likes best, which one he thinks I like best (often the same) and picks for us.  This worked out really well with the venue and the photographer and choosing to not have a DJ, but now I need to pick a dress.  Its really getting ridiculous.  Every week I find more dresses that I would like to try on  (a lot of which require a trip to NYC, which isn't going to happen) and I become more and more indecisive.  Its gotten to the point where I am seriously considering taking Beau with me to try on dresses - he is after-all, the decision maker.  I'm not too concerned with him seeing me in the dress ahead of time because I know that he will promptly forget and by the day of the wedding will be completely surprised with how I look.  What do you think?

work sucks.

The last couple of weeks have been a little bit of a roller-coaster with my PhD research.  Just last week I found out that the first abstract I submitted for my very first conference was not only accepted, but accepted for a 15 min oral presentation - pretty much the best a student can do.  In addition, my advisor's other student also had his abstract accepted for a presentation - so pretty much happy times in the lab (despite all the data we still need to generate).  Unfortunately, yesterday we found out that some random people from Cincinnati "scooped" us (ie published our data before we could).  This was especially upsetting because we have way more data than they did and our data is more compelling because we approach the question from multiple angles and have answered the question more fully.  I don't think we are completely screwed because we have all this other data, but we lost the novelty, and probably will not be able to publish in as good a journal as would have been able to otherwise.  Its been really disheartening, also, no idea what I'm going to present at the conference because a lot of it was just published...

Sorry, I know this was kind of a downer post, with nothing to do with our wedding, but I just needed to vent a little.

Would rather be here...

The village of Oios on the island of Santorini, Greece

Image from here.

yet another dress...

So, I tried on the Marisa again this morning (the store in ROC had it!) and I still like it, a lot.  According to the woman helping me, its a knockoff of a Vera.  After going through the Vera website I've decided its a knockoff of the Vera Wang Luxe Callalily.

 

The Marisa dress is strapless (ie - no big poofy flower thing on the shoulder) and its a-line.  It does have the same neckline and same asymmetrically draped layers - which I love.  They are very soft and flowing.

Not actually on a planning vacation...

Remember when I thought I was done with planning till September - yeah, not so much.  Totally didn't register that I still need to buy a dress and that if I wait until September it will be cutting it close.  I was definitely blocking it out.  It all came crashing down when on a whim I made an appointment at a bridal store in Jersey so that I could go dress shopping just once with my BFF D before she moves to Turkey...  I actually found two dresses that I liked, so I now have a number of different options ranging in price from $900-3400; and ranging in style from empire goddess to princess ball gown to simple a-line to mermaid.  No idea how I'm going to pick.  Still can't get a clear mental image of what I want to look like the day of.  They all seem to mesh with different aspects of my personality.  Right now I'm leaning towards a Marisa that I saw this past weekend (sorry, the Marisa website totally sucks and I can't find a picture).  Its a flow-y a-line, very simple, but with some whimsy.  It would need a killer necklace, but I know just the place in Israel.  I'm going to attempt to try it on again here in the ROC, and then I might pull the trigger.

Would rather be here...

via Home Sweet Home

wedding planning has really been getting me down lately.  it just doesn't bring me that joyful excited feeling anymore.  i think part of it, is that the whole situation with the evil bridal store and the way marked UP sample dress just really upset me.  i really want my mommy to come visit so that we can go confront them about it.  i just want it done with so i don't have to stress about it anymore.  the only wedding related thing that made me happy in the last couple weeks is that my college friend graduated from rabbinical school and agreed to marry us (assuming he is available on that date) - i nearly cried i was so happy, especially when I told my mom, she was so happy and relieved that we would be able to have a Jewish ceremony.  even with finding a rabbi, i've recently wanted to cancel all the wedding prep and plan  a destination wedding with 10 people or just go to city hall and get it the whole wedding thing done with.  but i can't even decide to do that.  i'm just mired with indecision about every single decision - again, i think the damn dress experience has made me overly sensitive about not getting screwed, which is leading to way too much research, way too many options and a constant questioning of decisions.  i hate this.  anyone want to plan my wedding?  you get to do everything, i'll just show up the day of the wedding and marry my beau.

Bouquets

A thought I had tonight while dealing with some insomnia - do our female "honored guests" require bouquets? I had always assumed that they would have them, but now I don't know, it suddenly seems weird to me. Besides some of them have tasks, like playing the violin and holding a chuppah that would make holding a bouquet difficult, so do they not get a bouquet, but the others do? If we don't do bouquets will their hands seem empty? Will I seem cheap if I have a bouquet and the other ladies do not? Will anyone but me even notice?

*photo from The Knot by way of The Un-Bride - I love the simple elegance of these bouquets, plus, magnolias are dear to my heart since the street we live on is lined with magnolia trees and for 1 week a year it is the most beautiful place in the world.

Thought while going through the Flicker set Secret Leaves posted via 100 Layer Cake: Invitations designed to look like the covers of old instrumental collections.  I'll have to see what I have at home to play with - otherwise it will have to wait until I get back to Jersey.  My mom has piano collections from when she was teenager, they are absolutely beautiful. 

Twins?

Is it just me, or could Scott Baio (from Charles' in Charge) and Craig Horner (from Legend of the Seeker) possibly be twins separated by the 80s and 20 years?  I'm just saying that to me, they look, sound, act eerily similar.

I'm trying to remain calm... really!

For the last week I've been trying very hard to remain calm and not become one of those hysterical brides.  However, life seems to be conspiring against me.  

First, you need to know that I don't do well with change.  New things stress me out and it takes me a long time to get comfortable in new situations.  With that said, Beau's bro (Adii) has moved in with us for three months until he graduates from college.  This is a major stress in my life right now, even though I know it shouldn't be.  He is actually a very good roommate - clean, quite, mostly keeps to himself actually - but the mere fact that he is there causes me mental distress.

Adii's moving in has presented another problem.  My best friend D has been planning an engagement party for Beau.  I have very little interest in having one, but she is moving to Turkey in August and will not be able to attend my shower or bachelorette parties, so I'm very happy (and humbled) that she would want to put this together for me, Beau and our families.  We decided on Memorial Day weekend back in January and spread the word to family and friends so that they could keep it in mind.  How does this relate to Adii's moving in?  Well Beau put Adii's  graduation (slash move out date) on the calendar, and it is of course Memorial Day weekend...  Clearly, we cannot have the engagement party that weekend.  D was very chill about it (way more chill than I was), and we decided on a new date in June, only to discover that its the tentative date for Beau's sister's bridal shower!  Ugh!  I love his sister and feel horrendous asking her to change the date, but there is really no other weekend that works for the engagement party.  The more I think about the engagement party, the more I know its superfluous, but the more I feel like I need to have this one wedding related event with D.  I know its stupid because she will be at the wedding, and that is most important, but I just always expected her to be with me throughout the entire process.  I really don't know what to do.  I guess I'll have to suck it up and talk to Beau's sis and mom to see if we can work it out.

The final new stress in my life is that based on the pictures, my mom and sister have decided that they really don't like my wedding dress.  Also stupid since its my dress and it doesn't matter if my mom likes is as long as I do - blah, blah, blah...  but, I want my mommy to like my dress.

Sorry that was really negative and stupid post, but I needed to get some of that out, so I'm not a psycho person at home.

Here is a pretty picture of the Mediterranean Sea from a beach near Tel Aviv, Israel (photo by me).  I can't wait until I get to visit this spot with Beau on our honeymoon!

Deep, calming breaths... ohm...

More thoughts on the dress issue

I thought of one more general "Pro" for the sample dress.  It conforms to my general wedding dress requirements:

• No lace
  
• No beading, unless its very subtle and tastefully done
  
• Short train
  
• A little different, not a standard dress (I guess thats why its being discontinued...)

Anyways, 24 hours of analysis to go.  Ultimately, I think I'll go there tomorrow and ask to be left alone in the dress for 10 minute and hope to gain clarity.  I also might bring my friend Emmy, who (at least in regular clothes) has vastly different taste from Doctor Whimsy for a second opinion of the dress itself, not the bargain.

OMG! First real wedding decision!

Sorry for the long absence.  I've been super busy and just exhausted all the time.  

But, I do need to share that I'm totally freaking out right now.  I went dress s

hopping on Saturday (with the lovely Doctor Whimsy) and the unexpected happened.  I found a dress.  Its a beautiful dress, it looks amazing on me, and I really like it, but its a sample.  This is great and awful all at the same time.  Its great because the dress is $290 (from a store where all the dresses retail for over $1000), awful because I'm super indecisive about stuff like this.  I need time to think and examine and compare and think some more and compare again, and think a little more.  Luckily, I didn't have to buy it on the spot like you usually have to do with a sample.  The store was closing in 15 min and isn't reopening until Tuesday at 10AM, at which point I have another appointment, so I'm not in danger of it being sold while I think a little (or a lot).  Since, I can't make up my mind I've spent a good portion of the weekend asking people what to do, including multiple calls and emails to Israel to get my mommy's opinion.  So far the tally is:

Me - undecided

Everyone else (and this is at least 10 people, including the Beau and my daddy) - "What the f*%$ are you waiting for?  Just buy the damn dress!!!"

Mom (by email, from Israel) - "The most important thing is that you feel good in the dress.  Don't feel pressured there is plenty of time."  (I love my mom, she is super relaxed and non-stressed by these things)

Even my little sister who does not care at all about weddings or dresses or anything to do with weddings said to buy the damn thing and that if in 6 months I don't like it, I can just sell it on Ebay.  

Despite all the overwhelming pressure to buy, I'm still not convinced, so I've made a pros and cons list.

Pros: Super freakin cheap for a quality dress, looks great on me, comfortable, would travel well, fits with the kind of wedding I'm planning, Doctor Whimsy said I seemed more confident in it than the other dresses and apparently it matches my ring, I felt kind of happy and giddy in it, no more dress shopping, oh and did I mention its only $290!

Cons: "Champagne" color (looks great on me, I just always pictured a white dress), its around 1.5 years till my wedding and I change my mind a lot, not getting a chance to go dress shopping with D (my high school BFF who is visiting in two weeks), I'm really afraid my mom will hate it and I can't bare the thought of my mom hating my wedding dress, no more dress shopping.

Internet, I need your help.  Buy or wait?

Oh, and for those who care, here is the skinny on the dress.  Sweatheart top, trumpet silhouette (fitted through upper thighs, then flares out), rouching on fitted part, the same fabric on the lower part but crinkled, "champagne" color, no train, but its currently long enough so that I can have the front hemmed to my height leaving a sweep train in the back.  I've included a picture of a dress with the same silhouette (from Liancarlo) and a picture I drew of the dress to email to my mom (please don't judge me based on my drawing abilities - or lack thereof). 

Actually, the fabric, color, ruching and top portion (without that center detail) are very similar to this Nicole Miller dress. 

Thoughts on dresses

At the end I didn't drive down to Jersey this weekend, so I didn't go to the Birnbaum & Bullock sample sale... I'm not sure thats a good thing or not.  I'm sure there will be days I regret it, but for now I'm OK with it.  I was just exhausted and the thought of driving 6 hours each way for 2 nights was just not appealing.  I did find roundtrip tickets home for next weekend for only $98!  Totally snatched those up (I have a German cousin visiting that I'm also need to see)!  I'm considering making appointments with Pronovias and Birnbaum & Bullock for next Sunday, but I'll probably just wuss-out again.  Eventually, I will have to go and try on dresses, but I guess for now I'm still avoiding real wedding planning.  

I did find a couple well priced dresses that I liked at JCrew... I'm kind of anti JCrew for wedding stuff but I can't deny that I really like three of their dresses and they are all under $1000!  The one I like the best is only $325 - thats like buying at David's Bridal without the polyester and the never ending onslaught of catalogues!  Its a little annoying that you can't try them on in a store, but at least they are returnable.  I'm considering ordering all three and having a fashion show in my house for friends and family.

Does anyone out there have any experience with JCrew wedding dresses?  Does anyone have any words of inspiration/motivation?

*Images from JCrew

Engagement Ring Part 1million...

I'm a little obsessed with my engagement ring.  I've been an annoying brat pestering Beau about it multiple times a day since the day we decided what to get.  Today he told me that he got a picture of it by email, and I was so happy that its finally set, but also exasperated because he flatly refused to forward me the picture.  Damn, him!

I think a big reason I want the ring so badly is that I despite the fact that we are clearly engaged, I don't really feel engaged.  For example, I'm in Jersey for a few days and whenever I come home my mom and I always go into The City (ie NYC - the only city that matters) and I was planning on making appointments at Pronovias and Birnbaum and Bullock just to see - dresses go on sale this time of year so maybe I would get lucky.  But when it came down to it I felt a little embarrassed going to such fancy places without a ring.  I was a little afraid that they wouldn't take me seriously and think that I was wasting their time, or that they would look down on me.  I know how ridiculous that sounds because when it comes down to it I am the dress buyer and they are the people who work there for minimum wage.

Also while in the city today, my mom and I were walking down 5th Ave and as we were passing by Tiffany's we just decided to go in.  My mom has never had any diamond jewelry (mostly by choice), so she wanted to see sizes, and I had never been in Tiffany's so why not?  We went up to the engagement ring floor - literally, they have an entire floor devoted to engagement rings - and we looked a around a little and found rings similar to mine (the Lucida and the Novo for those that know Tiffany stones/settings).  Clearly, we weren't there to buy, but a saleswoman was nice enough to take stuff out to show us.  I tried on a few rings, price range $17000-24000 and I doubt I will ever have anything so expensive on ever again!!!  The rings were quite lovely, even the ones in under $10000 cases were beautiful - to be honest, other than size I couldn't tell the difference between a $8000 or a $17000 Lucida ring.  The stones Tiffany's uses are clearly of the highest quality.  I now have a better understanding of why you pay a premium for them - the stones I've seen at places like Jared's don't even compare.  As we were leaving I saw at least four couples sitting with salespeople, sipping champagne and picking rings, and I was kind of disappointed that Beau and I couldn't have a similar experience.  We may have saved a ton of money, but it was certainly not romantic.  I also realized that as much as I want to know exactly when my ring is arriving, I'm really happy that Beau is planning on surprising me with it in some romantic way.