2 months from today...

So none of the promised posts have materialized yet - YET! But maybe while I'm on the airplane to Israel in 17 DAYS!!!! I will write some posts! Also, kind of weirded out that the wedding is in exactly 2 MONTHS! Handed over all the remaining planning and putting together of stuff to Beau because I have no time. Its a little weird letting go after being in control for over a year - though I do check things over and he runs things by me. I think it will be good for me and good for us as a couple. He needs to learn that I won't always be able to do everything (sometimes I think he doesn't do things because he knows that I will do it), and I need to experience (because I already theoretically know) that he is completely capable of doing everything that I do, just maybe not in the exact same way that I would do it.

Anyways - pretty picture because I might have final found a dress to wear at the party in Israel, its more than I wanted to spend, but at least on the model its perfect and JCrew is having a 30% Off sale with free shipping - so I might as well get it and see, since I have nothing else to wear.

"Ribbon Cut-Wave Dress" by J.Crew

Remind you of anything?

And since the likelihood of me ever getting to a post about the bachelorette party and the distinct lack of acceptable pictures to post I will put up this one picture.

Yes, that is me wearing short silver sequin skirt.

(My purchase, everything else by some of my besties)

And a giant plastic engagement ring.

And a t-shirt that says "I'm getting married Bi***es".

And a pin that said something like "Sexy Bride"

And a veil. (Not visible in this picture, but I assure you it was on)

And to top it all off a crown that said "I'm tying the knot, buy me a shot"

WITH a detachable plastic shot glass.

I just love my friends. Anyways, fun night, bad morning after - no vomiting - extra good!

Thats all for now. Back to the grind.

106

So one of my wedding registries has a count-down to the wedding day. Apparently there are 106 days left. Makes me very stressed and very excited. Still so much to do.

Last week I shipped my engagement ring to our jeweler in Florida to fit with a wedding band. This came in an email today - hopefully the real thing will be arriving next week! There are still a few things to tweak - they are making the wedding band a little narrower - its about 0.5mm wider than anticipated.

I just love looking at the picture. I have no idea how I'm going to get through about 100 days with it sitting in my apartment NOT wearing it. Its one of the few times recently that a wedding related activity has been extremely joyous and not stressful. (Caveat - having to ship my engagement ring to Florida was stressful, but otherwise not stressful)

I love my jeweler. I love not having to worry that I'm being swindled. I love that everything she does comes out practically perfect.

Oh - I'm meeting with our photographer on Thursday evening and I should (hopefully) be getting some edited versions of our e-photos back, so look out for a post Friday or over the weekend!

israeli reception - part 3?

My mom is in Israel and she is (again) looking for places to have our wedding reception - she decided against all the other places she looked at the first time.

This morning I got an email with a link to a place on the beach called Rocca, and (based on the pictures) its perfect. Its exactly what I envisioned. Its so beautiful it makes me wish we were doing the entire wedding in Israel and flown out Beau's immediate family. I am trying not to get too excited because my mom hasn't gone to see it in person yet and we don't know prices. Oh, and they serve sushi - major bonus points!

But seriously, how could you not want to have a wedding here?

*All images from the Rocca website

Picked a florist

Big happy smiles! Its Arena's - not a huge shock there.

Love them!

Its been a good wedding day

After weeks of bad wedding feelings with lots of stress and unhappiness today was a good day. I awoke with clarity on the bridesmaid dress issue, did not confer with anyone and sent an email to the girls (for those who care, I decided on black dresses from Dessy). I called my mom, told her the issue was over and she said good.

I've been having issues with florist. The first one, I didn't like. The second one, I really liked but has a "minimum" which is a couple hundred above my flower budget. The third, my favorite at the time (after an email from me wondering where the proposal is) informed me that my date is no longer available. Ugh! So I kind of freaked, and made an appointment and a florist I've driven past for 8 years, have never entered before but yet somehow decided years ago that they would do my wedding flowers. I did not initially call them because I heard (and assumed) they would be the most expensive. I met with them after lunch and I really enjoyed talking to the older gentleman (Edward) who does their wedding designs. Edward seemed to genuinely like my flower visions and embraced them. He also gave me a quote on the spot - which was amazing (since I'm still waiting for a quote from place #2, which I met with on Nov 6th - they claim I'll have it soon). Also, they are not as expensive as I thought. Their quote fell $200 bellow the top of my budget and $400 bellow the "minimum" at place #2. So, I'm pretty sure I've found a florist!

Finally, I was avoiding studying for an exam tomorrow by browsing Guilt and found these lovelies. After several rounds of texting with one of my style gurus, C, I bought them.

Ben-Amun pewter chandelier earrings with Swarovski crystal; 3 inches long, 1.25 inches wide

Retail: $205, Guilt price: $85! Holla!

Yay, for good wedding days.

Yay, for less wedding stress.

Yay (kind of), for procrastinating studying dev bio...

don't trust online pictures, or why i hate bridesmaid dresses

yeah, so those beautiful Dessy dresses - not so beautiful in person. In fact, not even remotely the same colors in person. An example.

"Smashing" in Matte Satin from the Dessy website - medium toned, purple/grey, classy:

"Smashing" in Matte Satin in person - dark! purple/red, 80s prom:

(bad iPhone pic, but still, the color is pretty close to the actual color)

Now, don't tell me those are the same color, or even variation due to the colors displayed by a computer monitor. Those are just different colors. Period.

"smashing" or "aubergine" or both?

Hopefully, going to see some dresses in person Thanksgiving weekend.

*images from Dessy

bridesmaid dresses

As with all things relating to my wedding, I am completely indecisive. My poor, sweet bridesmaids have been waiting for almost a year for me to decide what color dress I would like them to wear. I keep coming back to the idea of having them wear non-matching black dresses - mostly because its easy, and everyone either has a black dress in their closet or should have a black dress in their closet. My mother is very opposed to this idea. She thinks its spring and black dresses are inappropriate, and that we should have some color. Even though I keep telling her that 90% of the female guests will be in black, and I always wear black to weddings regardless of the season. So black is kind of out. Then I was thinking green, but I couldn't find any green that I liked, so I went back to black. Oh yeah, my mom really doesn't want black. Then I went to purple, and couldn't really find a purple that made me excited. So I moved on, and for the last couple of weeks I've been envisioning bridesmaids in grey with purple heels and purple bouquets. Apparently, my mom is not a fan of grey either. So while scouring Style Me Pretty for pictures of lovely SPRING weddings with grey bridesmaid dress, I found this picture.

(*source)

This is the color purple I want. Though, I think it could easily be argued that while its a color, its clearly not a spring color. I guess I just don't like "spring" colors. Anyone out their know where these dresses came from?

The Dessy Group has a color "smashing" thats close, but not quite. Maybe I need to go see it in person. I also like their deeper purple "aubergine". Perhaps maids in "smashing" and "aubergine" (and maybe one in "charcoal" - How about you Mrs/DrW?).

Israeli Reception

[Still no computer, but I finally did order one today...]

My mom has been in Israel for the last two weeks and she did some searching for a place for our Israeli reception. There have been two problems: (1) every place costs more than we anticipated, (2) our favorite restaurants don't do private parties and (3) most "venues" are for weddings of over 200-500 people (yeah 200 is a small Israeli wedding).

However, my mom did check out three places, and this was her favorite (at least before she went to visit) - "HaPina HaYeruka" or "The Green Corner". Its in Tel Aviv along the banks of the Yarkon River. Here is one pictures from their website.

At least from the pictures Beau and I think its perfect! We'll see what my mom has to say now that she has seen it - she gets back tomorrow.

update

Back from ASBMR - all went well with my presentation, yay!  Sitting at the lab, not doing work - he he!

Now that I'm back I'm starting to feel pressure on wedding stuff again...  

We have our engagement session coming up in a few weeks and I want to get my make-up done, but I don't really know anyone in town and the person the photographer recommended charges $75/hr - that kind of seems unreasonable, right?  Oh, and once we have the pictures back I need to make Save the Dates... and mail them out - oh but before that I have to collect peoples addresses...

I'm also getting nervous about our invites... Josh really likes the ones I designed, but I'm afraid they won't look professional enough, especially since I'm printing them at home.  I emailed the Budget Savvy Bride and her rates are very reasonable - for $50 she will design 5 invites for us to choose from based on our wedding colors, styles etc, and she will design them so they can be easily printed on a home printer.  For an additional $25 each she will also design RSVP cards and any other elements I want.  I'm seriously considering it.

Its also almost time to start looking for a florist... I'm not looking forward to it.  I want really nice flowers, but I refuse to pay a lot because I know its something I could do myself - my family won't let me (they have no interest in having me transform into a Bridezilla the afternoon before the wedding).

My mom is also going to Israel in a couple weeks, so we have to settle on a guest list, and date for our Israeli reception so that she can find an appropriate location.

I think thats all for now.  Just needed to unload.

Israel Reception

My mom and I started working on the reception in Israel.  I want a place on the beach, or at least with ridiculous views of the sea.  A dessert wedding would be a very close second.  

But first we had to assess the number of people so we could narrow down venue options.  We were thinking the guest list would be 50-60, like at my Bat Mitzvah.  After my mom named everyone that had to be invited we were at 82 - not including babies, or some other family that could be invited.  Oops...  We had forgotten to consider all the marriages, significant others and kids that have come into the lives of our family and friends in the 15 years since my Bat Mitzvah (or 10 years, if you count since my sister's).  Now we have to reassess the guest list, and figure out who we can cut without insulting large factions of the family.  Personally, I would cut everyone who's name I don't know, but I don't think thats going to work...  Apparently my mom has to confer with my grandmother about it.  

I'm finally starting to understand why other people have huge weddings with family they barely know - its all politics!

(Also, it just occurred to me that if my Israeli and German families all moved to the states, my wedding would easily top 200 people!  INSANITY!)

Officiant

I'm super stoked!  My college friend and recently ordained Rabbi has agreed to marry The Beau and I.  I've known since college that I wanted Rabbi Dave (as I've decided to call him from now on) to officiate my marriage and he always told me that he wouldn't if I married a goy (= a non-jew).  The Beau, being a goy, initially deterred me from asking Rabbi Dave, but I finally did.   Rabbi Dave said he would be honored to marry us, BUT we have to study Judaism, go to services semi-regularly and do pre-marital counseling with him or another Rabbi.  OK, I would rather not do any of those things, but any Rabbi would ask us to, and at least this way I get Rabbi Dave.

Yeah! for having an officiant.  And double Yeah! for it being someone I've known and trusted and had a connection with for almost a decade!  I could not bare the thought of a stranger marrying us.

Next.

With a date, venue/caterer, photographer and officiant set I've decided to take the summer off wedding planning.  In September I will deal with whether to hire a florist, we will have our engagement shoot and I will start work on Save the Dates.  (BTW - I'm super stoked about some of the plans we made with Tammy for our engagement session.  We have one location that will either turn out fabulous or ridiculous.)  The Doctor is also trying to convince me to have the ladies get dresses in green or purple (instead of my current plan), I think I'll wait till at least October to deal with that.

In the meantime I am actually spending quite a bit of my time focusing on other weddings.  Beau's sister's wedding is coming up in early August and I'm currently working on making a gag veil for her bachelorette party.  I'm actually having quite a bit of fun making the veil, and its a really good tutorial before I make my own.  Pictures to come when I finish it.  Also, the Doctor's shower is coming up soon as well, and I'm gearing up for that.  If I get time this week I might even try to design an invite for it.

Photographer - check!

We finally chose a photographer for the wedding.  It was a hard decision for me because I really wanted Eric, but we just really couldn't afford him.  Luckily, my man can be just as anal as I am and he decided to make spread sheet comparing our top three choices: Eric Laurits, Erich Camping and Tammy Swales.  He broke it down into three categories: picture quality (with subgroups for "getting ready", "ceremony", "candid" etc), price/packages (ie - what is included in the base price) and personality.  Most items, unless they were a yes or no, got rated on a 1-10 scale.  When we differed on opinion we averaged our two ratings.  At the end Tammy came out on top for cost and the most consistent high ratings in the picture quality category, and while The Beau preferred Erich's personality, he decided Tammy was the right person to bring out my silly-side that he loves so much.  This actually went along with my gut feeling (that I totally don't trust after the dress incident) that Tammy was the best for us.  But still I couldn't officially commit.  At the end we met with Tammy again last night and looked through a ton more pictures; we were both really happy and told her that we wanted to hire her.  Yeah!  One more important thing off my "to do" list.  Now, I just have to email a lot of other photographers to let them down...

Here are some of my favorite pics off of her blog and website.

(This is a picture of Erich Camping - Tammy took it for his website - awesome, right?!)

cost cutting already

On Friday evening we met with the owner of the Rabbit Room, put down our deposit and went over more of the details for the wedding so that she could put together a proposed budget for us. When it came today I was in shock. I had already put together a budget based on all the costs I knew about for 100 people and mine came out almost $3000 less than hers AND hers was for only 95 people. Granted, some of the costs are reasonable, and I just wouldn't have known with out specifically asking - for example the $2.95 per person charge for non-alcoholic beverages, or the 20% gratuity (I had calculated 17% thinking this was a very reasonable gratuity considering how much you are already spending), or the cost of the chair rentals that I knew we would need for the ceremony.

But other things seemed very unreasonable. When discussing dessert Beau and I both said that we did not want a traditional wedding cake and that we wanted there to be a number of different dessert options. Somehow this got onto a discussion on frostings and my dislike of almost all frostings that aren't real homemade whipped cream, with this information she suggested a homemade strawberry short cake. Beau and I were totally sold, until I saw the charge - $350 for strawberry short cake ($3.50 per person). Granted I have to double check if this includes other small dessert items or is just for the cake, but if its just cake, its totally getting nixed. I'm not paying $350 for one cake. Another thing on the list for the chopping block: the Champagne Toast - for $2.50 per person, people can just go to the open bar that we are already paying for. I think I may also change one of our passed hors d'oeuvres - as much as I want tuna tar tare at the wedding, $104 per 50 pieces is a little much, and as of now we are having seared ahi tuna at one of the stations.

I also cut a few people from the guest list last night, its really hard, but now I'm even more convinced it needs to be done.

Engagement Party

Last weekend one of my dearest childhood friends (Big D) threw us the most lovely, unpretentious, homemade with love engagement party with the help of her husband (C), her mom (Char) and another dear friend Obear.  

We invited about 30 people and all 24 people who RSVPed yes (plus me and Beau) arrived.  It was the first time that I had what I consider my American family (a mix of family, family friends, high school friends, their parents and Beau's family) all in one place at one time.  At one point as people were arriving I started tearing because I was so happy not just to see them all, but to see them all together.  

D, C and O prepared chicken, beef and lamb shish kebab that C grilled and was served with rice.  Obear made a huge amount pasta with homemade pesto.   There was also guacamole, salsa and chips, tomato with fresh mozzarella, beer, hard lemonade, and punch.  My mom made one of my favorite cakes and Obears parent's made two amazing pies - literally, completely from scratch.  

Despite the threat of rain, it was sunny and warm for the entire party so we were able to relax and catch up in Char's backyard.  I just wish it was longer.  I feel like even with only 25 people there, I did not have enough time to spend with everyone.  I guess that is motivation to start cutting the guest list - over the past few months our 85 person list has grown to a 110 person list.  I can't even blame it on Beau, he made a list and it has remained the same list, unchanging over the months, my list just keeps on getting larger...  I need to do some serious thinking about who I really want to be there.

Wedding in 3 places?

So we are trying to figure out what do about seeing my international family (everyone except my parents and sister) for wedding celebrations.  Right now we are stuck on when; let alone where, how much, etc. 

(View of an old church from the hills around Jerusalem, Israel)

We chose a wedding date based on when the weather would be nice, the venue would be the cheapest, and it would be most convenient for guests in the US to come.  Unfortunately, Beau will still be teaching for another 3-4 weeks after the wedding which means that we couldn't be able to go anywhere until July at the earliest.  Unfortunately, this is one of the most expensive times to travel (tickets to Israel could easily cost

 $1200-1500 EACH!) and Beau would not do well in the Israeli heat and humidity in July or Aug.  We could probably buy tickets to Israel through a European or US carrier with a stop in Germany, so that we would hopefully not have to pay extra (other than hotels/food) to see my dad's family.

(A beach near Tel Aviv, Israel)

My newest thought (which I have no idea if it would be OK with my grad advisor or my family or Beau) is to get to at least Israel in April during Beau's spring break.  The weather should be lovely, and the tickets a little less expensive (maybe around $1000, or we might be able to use miles).  We could have a reception with my lovely Israeli family (I could, in theory, wear my dress - wearing it twice halves the cost, right?).  With this option there is also still the possibility of stopping over in Germany to see the other half of my family.  Then I would still have about 1.5 months from when we get back to finalize all the US wedding stuff.

(The famous "Ahava" -"love"- statue at the Israel Museum in Jerusalem, Israel)

With multiple receptions is it OK (etiquette-wise) to have a reception before the actual marriage ceremony so is it considered somehow rude?  I guess we could always go to city hall and have a civil ceremony before all the of receptions and then have the religious ceremony at our US reception?

All images by me.  I don't have any recent pictures of Germany because I haven't been there in almost a decade (sadness).

Small breakthroughs...

I'm really excited because for the first time Beau has seriously offered to help with the wedding planning.  Don't misunderstand, he is really excited about getting married, if it were up to him we would have already been married at city hall (seriously).  So naturally, he thinks that with 1.5 years left till the wedding its too soon to start planning.  I'm not really sure what changed his mind but two days ago he offered to research venues while I'm away this weekend.  Its not a huge thing, but its a step and it made me really happy.  

On my part, I actually did call to make appointments at Pronovias and Birnbaum & Bullock.  Pronovias was completely booked on Sat and is closed on Sundays (damn them), B&B were also completely booked for Saturday but I now have an appointment on Sunday.  Yeah, go me!  AND!  They started two new lines this year and they are extremely reasonably priced ($600-1800), unlike their regular line which starts at $2500!  Unfortunately, I only like 3 of the dresses in the new lines and I like a lot of dresses in their expensive line... 

I'm encouraged with our small progress.  Maybe I can make it a week of big progress and also get my parents to tell me how much they are willing to contribute towards the wedding so that I can make a budget...

Budget

So, Beau and I are probably doing this ass-backwards, since we don't have a total budget yet, but we went to see a possible venue this past Saturday (I promise to post pictures after I get around to pulling them off Beau's camera). Mostly we went because we had time, they had time and I was excited.

Afterwards I had to sit down and figure out how much it would cost to have the entire wedding there - its a restaurant/gallery space so they would do their own catering and the building/ceremony fee is pretty much non-existent. I included all the elements that both Beau and I liked (example: hors d'oeuvres stations and passed), but wouldn't necessarily have. I budgeted for 90 guests (the max - I hope), and I included 4 hours of open bar (which may or may not occur). I had a nice number, and then I remembered that I have to budget for gratuity... and I did know what to do. How much does one leave? Is it like when you go out to dinner and you decide whether to be stingy or generous based on the service, or is there an expected amount?

My other dilemma is that I'm not sure how to proceed once we do have a budget. The amount that we would spend on a wedding at this venue (which we both love and is relatively inexpensive) would add up to about 40% of the number in my head and over 50% of the number in Beau's head. Is that reasonable for a number that includes ceremony and reception site fees, all the set up and take down, all the service, all the food (except dessert), 4 hours of open bar and 17% gratuity (a totally made up number that may have no basis in reality)?

I guess I really need to sit down with Beau and my parents to see what the actual budget is, and get a book/website/person to tell me (about) how much difference parts of the wedding cost.

Actually planning...

Earlier in the week my dad and his wife with the advice of Jewelry Gal helped us pick the stone for my engagement ring, and I'm now officially out of the loop.  Beau is making jokes about waiting a couple months to actually buy the stone and have it set, just to rile me - and its working.  As you may have noticed I like being in control!  Also, now that we've decided to get engaged I just want to get on with it!  

Anyways, it will come when its comes, and the most important thing is that Beau and I have decided to spend the rest of our lives together.  Now that I'm basically officially engaged I want to start planning the wedding, but I don't know how to begin.  I know I need to start with a budget, but there are problems...  My family and Beau seem to think that its too soon to start planning the wedding - none of them (despite my efforts to inform them) seem to realize that we really only have about 2 weekends when we can get married because of Beau's teaching schedule and we need to get on this because places book over a year in advance.  Despite this, I have an approximate budget in mind that I think with saving and my parents help we will be able to do, but still people need to be willing to talk to me about it!  But beyond that, I don't know how to begin.  

Choosing a date?  Finding a venue?  Finding a rabbi?  Dress shopping?  All the other little things that go into a wedding.  I'm totally overwhelmed.  

I did find one possible venue in the Rochester area; Beau and I will hopefully be going there for dinner next Friday or Saturday night, and possibly meeting with their event coordinator.  I guess thats a step in the right direction.