Engagement Ring Part 1million...

I'm a little obsessed with my engagement ring.  I've been an annoying brat pestering Beau about it multiple times a day since the day we decided what to get.  Today he told me that he got a picture of it by email, and I was so happy that its finally set, but also exasperated because he flatly refused to forward me the picture.  Damn, him!

I think a big reason I want the ring so badly is that I despite the fact that we are clearly engaged, I don't really feel engaged.  For example, I'm in Jersey for a few days and whenever I come home my mom and I always go into The City (ie NYC - the only city that matters) and I was planning on making appointments at Pronovias and Birnbaum and Bullock just to see - dresses go on sale this time of year so maybe I would get lucky.  But when it came down to it I felt a little embarrassed going to such fancy places without a ring.  I was a little afraid that they wouldn't take me seriously and think that I was wasting their time, or that they would look down on me.  I know how ridiculous that sounds because when it comes down to it I am the dress buyer and they are the people who work there for minimum wage.

Also while in the city today, my mom and I were walking down 5th Ave and as we were passing by Tiffany's we just decided to go in.  My mom has never had any diamond jewelry (mostly by choice), so she wanted to see sizes, and I had never been in Tiffany's so why not?  We went up to the engagement ring floor - literally, they have an entire floor devoted to engagement rings - and we looked a around a little and found rings similar to mine (the Lucida and the Novo for those that know Tiffany stones/settings).  Clearly, we weren't there to buy, but a saleswoman was nice enough to take stuff out to show us.  I tried on a few rings, price range $17000-24000 and I doubt I will ever have anything so expensive on ever again!!!  The rings were quite lovely, even the ones in under $10000 cases were beautiful - to be honest, other than size I couldn't tell the difference between a $8000 or a $17000 Lucida ring.  The stones Tiffany's uses are clearly of the highest quality.  I now have a better understanding of why you pay a premium for them - the stones I've seen at places like Jared's don't even compare.  As we were leaving I saw at least four couples sitting with salespeople, sipping champagne and picking rings, and I was kind of disappointed that Beau and I couldn't have a similar experience.  We may have saved a ton of money, but it was certainly not romantic.  I also realized that as much as I want to know exactly when my ring is arriving, I'm really happy that Beau is planning on surprising me with it in some romantic way.  

Competitive Brides

I had lunch with my friend, Ms. Lovely, yesterday.  Lovely is also engaged, and her wedding is quickly approaching in May.  Luckily, she has most of the planning done and is very relaxed and is generally enjoying the planning process.  Ms. Lovely and l'Homme (her French fiance) are paying for their wedding themselves, and are not going into massive debt.  Their whole attitude is exactly how I want to be - relaxed.  From what she is telling me their wedding will be chill, classy, and above all fun (there will be a polka band - does it get any better than that?!).  L'Homme, is still a graduate student and didn't have the means to buy Lovely a ring with a huge diamond.  Happily, they found a ring that Lovely just loves.  It has a small center stone with surrounding accent stones and is absolutely stunning and sparkly - well at least Lovely and I think so.  The WIC, diamond cartel and mainstream society probably wouldn't appreciate the more subtle beauty of Lovely's e-ring.

Now, that I've given you a bit of background on Lovely, I 'll get to the point of this post.  

Lovely has a close friend (with whom I am also aquatinted) who is also recently engaged.  This friend, WIC Bride, has started a little "competition" of sorts with Lovely.  As you may have guessed, WIC Bride has taken up the mantle of the WIC without thought, and is slowly morphing into a Bridezilla.  I don't want to get into the details of how WIC Bride is behaving, but I will say that whenever WIC Bride and Lovely discuss wedding related topics, WIC Bride makes little jabs at Lovely about her smaller ring, or her smaller budget, or her dress...  Ms. Lovely, as you might expect, doesn't care one bit, she is content and thinks that WIC Bride is just acting kind of strange.  

I tend to agree with Lovely, but it also makes me sad.  I just don't understand why WIC Bride would be consciously (or unconsciously) trying to put down her friend just because she doesn't have a lot of money to spend on a wedding.  The ironic part to me is that it sounds like WIC Bride is going to have a cookie-cutter wedding in big ornate ballroom, in an ornate dress with no bit of imagination or personality, while Lovely is going to have much more memorable affair in a unique location with a great band and lots of personal touches - I would much rather go to Lovely's wedding than WIC Bride's wedding!

What do you think?  Have you experienced any subtle or not so subtle "competition" from other brides (or others in general) about your budget, or unconventional wedding choices?  Any thoughts on why one bride might act like WIC Bride?  Personally, (without really knowing WIC Bride) I think that she is probably acting in this manner as a way to make herself feel better about some sort of insecurity in her relationship with her fiance, or with Lovely or just a general feeling of low self-worth.  What makes a friend put down another friend for a wedding?

*Image from the movie "Bride Wars" via IMDB.com

Budget

So, Beau and I are probably doing this ass-backwards, since we don't have a total budget yet, but we went to see a possible venue this past Saturday (I promise to post pictures after I get around to pulling them off Beau's camera). Mostly we went because we had time, they had time and I was excited.

Afterwards I had to sit down and figure out how much it would cost to have the entire wedding there - its a restaurant/gallery space so they would do their own catering and the building/ceremony fee is pretty much non-existent. I included all the elements that both Beau and I liked (example: hors d'oeuvres stations and passed), but wouldn't necessarily have. I budgeted for 90 guests (the max - I hope), and I included 4 hours of open bar (which may or may not occur). I had a nice number, and then I remembered that I have to budget for gratuity... and I did know what to do. How much does one leave? Is it like when you go out to dinner and you decide whether to be stingy or generous based on the service, or is there an expected amount?

My other dilemma is that I'm not sure how to proceed once we do have a budget. The amount that we would spend on a wedding at this venue (which we both love and is relatively inexpensive) would add up to about 40% of the number in my head and over 50% of the number in Beau's head. Is that reasonable for a number that includes ceremony and reception site fees, all the set up and take down, all the service, all the food (except dessert), 4 hours of open bar and 17% gratuity (a totally made up number that may have no basis in reality)?

I guess I really need to sit down with Beau and my parents to see what the actual budget is, and get a book/website/person to tell me (about) how much difference parts of the wedding cost.

Inspiration Board 2 - Green/Grey/Silver

Here is my second attempt at an inspiration board with my other favorite dress.  The earrings were the catalyst for this board - green vintage glass, awesome!  I bought them this weekend at large studio open house of local artists/jewelers/photographers.  Basically, I saw them and knew that they were the exact color green that I want for the wedding, so obviously I had to have them.  I don't download a lot of images (not sure why, just don't), but I had all of these already.  I had saved them with no obvious purpose in mind other than I liked them.  I'm so happy that (at least to me) they work so well together, and now have an overarching purpose.  

Enjoy!

Images - Wedding Dress: Pronovias; Earrings: Sara Silvio (local jeweler), photo by me; Candlestick and Centerpiece: Joy Thigpen via OnceWed; Shoes: photo by Elizabeth Messina via Style Me Pretty; Maids Dress: unknown via Sexy Red Frame.

Actually planning...

Earlier in the week my dad and his wife with the advice of Jewelry Gal helped us pick the stone for my engagement ring, and I'm now officially out of the loop.  Beau is making jokes about waiting a couple months to actually buy the stone and have it set, just to rile me - and its working.  As you may have noticed I like being in control!  Also, now that we've decided to get engaged I just want to get on with it!  

Anyways, it will come when its comes, and the most important thing is that Beau and I have decided to spend the rest of our lives together.  Now that I'm basically officially engaged I want to start planning the wedding, but I don't know how to begin.  I know I need to start with a budget, but there are problems...  My family and Beau seem to think that its too soon to start planning the wedding - none of them (despite my efforts to inform them) seem to realize that we really only have about 2 weekends when we can get married because of Beau's teaching schedule and we need to get on this because places book over a year in advance.  Despite this, I have an approximate budget in mind that I think with saving and my parents help we will be able to do, but still people need to be willing to talk to me about it!  But beyond that, I don't know how to begin.  

Choosing a date?  Finding a venue?  Finding a rabbi?  Dress shopping?  All the other little things that go into a wedding.  I'm totally overwhelmed.  

I did find one possible venue in the Rochester area; Beau and I will hopefully be going there for dinner next Friday or Saturday night, and possibly meeting with their event coordinator.  I guess thats a step in the right direction.  

Photographer

Last night I was surfing the wedding blogs and Rebecca at The White Aisle, had a post about her new favorite photographer - Eric Laurits.  I went to his website and spent way too much time looking through his galleries (and nearly crying because the pictures were so beautiful and emotional and real) and on a whim decided to contact him about doing our wedding.  This was maybe a little silly because we have no budget, date, location etc...  However, he sent me a nice email with a little more information and his base price - damn, it was high.  Not completely unreasonable, just about 2x as much as is recommended to spend on a photographer based on what I anticipate our budget to be.  He also picks and chooses which couples he works with, so even if I could pay him, no guarantee that he would even do the wedding.  I sent him back a relatively long email (since he had asked about our wedding plans) and told him about how none of my family lives in the states and about me and Beau, and some of the thoughts I've had so far about the wedding.  I guess we'll see what he says.  If he is willing to consider us, and I like him if we ever talk on the phone, I may even decrease my dress budget to pay for him!  Thats how much I like his photographs!  I'll keep you posted about what his response to my email is.

Three times a bridesmaid...

A year ago I had never been a bridesmaid. I had no close friends getting married. This year I find myself, in the completely opposite position. Two months ago my best friend got hitched, and not only did I get my first experience as a bridesmaid, I got to be the maid of honor (oh! the power!). In recent weeks I have also been asked to be a bridesmaid in two more weddings. I will be a bridesmaid to my darling Doctor Whimsy next October when she finally weds her man. And, this weekend I was completely surprised and humbled when Beau's sister asked me to be one of her bridesmaids in her August wedding. I'm very excited and a little apprehensive about the often mixed pleasure of being a bridesmaid.

I am not generally superstitious, but this morning I found myself thinking of the old wives tale "three times a bridesmaid, never a bride", and I got nervous about my future as a bride. My first recollection of this superstition is while reading the Anne of Green Gables series many, many years ago. In the story Anne cannot be a bridesmaid to one of her closest friends due to this suspect edict. It seemed very silly to me at the time and seems even more silly now, but still there is that doubt. There is a teeny-tiny part of me that thinks that I have jinxed my own happiness to provide for my friends. Despite the very little voice saying "what were you thinking, you're so screwed now!" I will be a bridesmaid three times. I will even be a bridesmaid more than three times (though, the fourth and fifth times -for my sister and other high school best friend- will almost certainly occur after my planned marriage to Beau) and bollocks to old wives tales!

Image of me from my best friend's wedding by the talented Sandi Foraci.